To the surprise of exactly no one, I have disappeared for months again. Unfortunately, it's because my health is continuing to deteriorate.
Right now, all my energy goes toward the simple practices of self-care. My hands are hurting a lot, and I recently got diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. For those who don't know, DID is a response to trauma where the brain splits into multiple selves -- so there are lots of people in my brain, and everyone takes turns controlling my body. There's a lot more to it, but I don't want to bore anyone.
I am always open for questions so long as they are respectful; if I'm not comfortable answering, I'll just let you know, and there will be no hard feelings. (I will not, however, be defending the legitimacy of the diagnosis; I'm aware it's controversial, but the validity of my experience is between me and my health professionals.)
There's a lot of healing needed before I'll be able to make myself a consistent presence here, and I'm trying to accept that for now. I'm trying to let go of the guilt for being unable to support all you amazing folks in your amazing endeavors, because sometimes we need a time of withdrawal.
So I probably won't keep current on your journals and your deviations, and I will probably comment less often and less thoroughly, but I continue to invite you to get my attention if there's something you'd like to share with me. I'll do my best to keep up with my correspondence.
Thanks for continuing to be supportive while I go through all of this. Much love, everyone <3
Listening to: Mariee Sioux
Reading: Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman